Flaker of Flints

Borderline Personality Disorder Diagnostic Criteria: .... 7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.

The longest journey is the journey inwards. Of him who has chosen his destiny, who has started upon his quest for the source of his being (Is there a source?). He is still with you, but without relation, isolated in your feeling like one condemned to death or one whom imminent farewell prematurely dedicates to the loneliness which is the final lot of all. Between you and him is distance, uncertainty— care. He will see you withdrawing, further and further, hear your voices fading, fainter and fainter.

Am I really what others say about me? Or am I only what I know about myself? Restless, melancholic, and ill, like a caged bird, struggling for breath, as if hands clasped my throat, hungry for colors, for flowers, for the songs of birds, thirsty for friendly words and human kindness, shaking with anger at fate and at the smallest sickness, trembling for friends at an infinite distance, tired and empty at praying, at thinking, at doing, drained and ready to say goodbye to it all. .... Or is there something in me like a battered army, running in disorder from a victory already won?

There is no pain, you are receding: A distant ship, smoke on the horizon. You are only coming through in waves. Your lips move, but I can't hear what you're saying. When I was a child, I caught a fleeting glimpse Out of the corner of my eye: I turned to look, but it was gone. I cannot put my finger on it now. The child is grown, the dream is gone. I have become comfortably numb.

Sunt lacrimae rerum. Translation: "There are tears of things."                  or, "There are tears for things."                  or, "There are tears for the way of things."