Homesick for a Place I've Never Been

"Homesick for a place I've never been."

I want to go home. Not like my childhood home or the home I live in but the real home. The real place. Since I was little, I’ve gotten this feeling intermittently. It’ll happen when the light shines through my window a certain way, or when I’m comfortable in blankets, or when I feel like everything is ok. Sometimes it happens when I’m feeling neutral as well, but mostly it comes when I’m almost fully relaxed.

Depression feels like a perpetual homesickness while simultaneously not knowing where/what home is. Keep on fighting to find your home.

The constant need to go home. You are home, in your house, in your room, but you want to go home. It’s a yearning that won’t leave, makes you scared, sad, and anxious. I get this feeling strongly sometimes and just spiral. I'm not sure if I'll ever find it, or if it even exists.

It’s like you live on a cloud that’s floating through a meaningless life. I think that emptiness is a longing for the unmet and a desire to escape...from your own skin. It seems to be the natural state of humans, but most of them, who are not suffering or disordered, learn to live with it like it's background noise.

Next post: James Alison: Creation Fulfilled


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